


Wallet

by Red Dragon (Red_Dragonn)



Series: Elysium and Lux [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: this is just some bullshit dont mind me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Dragonn/pseuds/Red%20Dragon
Summary: angry fire cat gremlins dont like vacuums much. lux, being more powerful than a god, took this as an excuse to eat an entire house in retaliation.smart gremlin hunters dont leave their wallets lying around where their hungry gremlins can eat them but no one ever said elysium was all that responsible. i love him.





	Wallet

Eli held a burning ember in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. “I swear to the Overworld, Lux.”

“Suck my dick,” said the ember.   


“I will absolutely stick you in this bottle if you don’t tell me what you did with my wallet, you ingrate.”  


“Oh no, not the water,” the ember cried dramatically, and then materialized a pair of flaming eyes solely to roll them. “You’ll light me back up in ten minutes. Enjoy missing your driver’s license, fuckface.”  


“ _Lux!”_  


_“Bite_  me, Eli,” the ember said. “This is what you get for screwing up my nap. Have a nice day suffering.”  


“Aw, come _on_ , Lux,” Eli said, trying a different tactic. He dropped the water bottle heedlessly--it splashed out on the pavement--and picked up a piece of the burned rubble that had, at one point, been a very small rental house. “Come on, you shitty fire spirit. You like this shit. I’ll let you eat it if you give me my wallet back?”  


The ember rolled of its own accord, and a tongue of flame picked itself up out of the blackened blob of char lazily. “Oh, that. It’s empty. I already ate it.”  


“Fuck,” Eli said. “Could you just--”  


“Nope.”  


“ _Lux!_ I _need_  my wallet!”  


“Should’ve thought about that before you vacuumed up my entire tail.”  


“But you burned the building down! I’m not making you rebuild it! Just tell me where--”  


“No.”  


“... Lux, I swear to the Overworld I will sell you to the next spirit keeper I see.”  


“Good riddance. I’m sick of you.”  


“Fuck you.”  


“Fuck you too.”  


There was a pause.   


“It’s in the back corner of the kitchen,” Lux said.   


“Why are you telling me now?”  


“Come on! It was funny while it lasted, but you were doing the morose staring thing you do.”  


“I was just trying to think about how to get a new license while all my important documents had been burned--”  


“About that...uh.”  


“Did you, possibly, not burn all my important documents, Lux?” Eli asked curiously.   


“Oh, no, I did,” Lux said. “But they’re backed up on the Repository.”  


“I _haaaaaate_  the Repository. Eeling works there.”  


“Eeling can suck my dick and balls,” Lux said. “We have to go to the Repository anyway.”  


“You’re an asshole.”  


“You know it.”  


“Why are you _like this_.”  


“You couldn’t stop me if you tried.”  


Eli sighed, starting to pick his way through the rubble. “Yeah, I know.”


End file.
